A Nightmare Salad

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That was a good story, I'm glad that Shaymin got some rest ^..^

zearo8 wrote:That was a good story, I'm glad that Shaymin got some rest ^..^

Thanks for taking the time to comment. And yes, I thought that would be the most appropriate ending, considering the start.

Okay, folks usually want critique n their work an' ah give it, though it's not always good. that bein' said, ah'll get started.

Okay, story had a good flow to it. Dream sequence went alright, an' story moved at a good pace. Loved how Shaymin kept referrin' to himself as 'mii'. Darkrai's involvement was kinda expected (bad dreams ad all) And the battle went fairly well. Those were the good points.

Now for what ah considered the bad...

Shaymin ate Darkrai. ah KNOW it's s'posed t' be fantasy... but yer talkin' a 1 foot pokemon ate a 5 foot+ pokemon. That's.. ugh. >.< that's no longer a Shaymin; it's a white ballon with tiny little appendages stickin' out. Granted, thet 'gas that was solid' comment made me think "Well, it Darkrai's is composed os some kinda solid type gas, ti COULD possibly be squished down and fit into a semi-decent sized stomach... but again. It's a Shaymin eating a Darkrai. good story, but ah got nitpicks. Sorry.

All in all, ah give it a 7 outta 10. Ah just ain't a big fan of tiny creatures eating ones that are 3 times or more their own size, but ah DO admire good writing when ah see it.

Shaymin used Swallow!
Shaymin Swallowed Darkrai!
It's Super Effective!
Darkrai was digested! User gained 3,950 EXP!
*chuckles*

~Rougia

Rougia wrote:Okay, folks usually want critique n their work an' ah give it, though it's not always good. that bein' said, ah'll get started.

Okay, story had a good flow to it. Dream sequence went alright, an' story moved at a good pace. Loved how Shaymin kept referrin' to himself as 'mii'. Darkrai's involvement was kinda expected (bad dreams ad all) And the battle went fairly well. Those were the good points.

Now for what ah considered the bad...

Shaymin ate Darkrai. ah KNOW it's s'posed t' be fantasy... but yer talkin' a 1 foot pokemon ate a 5 foot+ pokemon. That's.. ugh. >.< that's no longer a Shaymin; it's a white ballon with tiny little appendages stickin' out. Granted, thet 'gas that was solid' comment made me think "Well, it Darkrai's is composed os some kinda solid type gas, ti COULD possibly be squished down and fit into a semi-decent sized stomach... but again. It's a Shaymin eating a Darkrai. good story, but ah got nitpicks. Sorry.

All in all, ah give it a 7 outta 10. Ah just ain't a big fan of tiny creatures eating ones that are 3 times or more their own size, but ah DO admire good writing when ah see it.

Shaymin used Swallow!
Shaymin Swallowed Darkrai!
It's Super Effective!
Darkrai was digested! User gained 3,950 EXP!
*chuckles*

~Rougia

*giggle* I love Darkrai as prey. I don't know why. Anyway, the Miis are from the manga "Giratina and the Sky Warrior." Shaymin ALWAYS refers to itself as Mii. Never me, I, myself. Always Mii. As for the size thing, eh, sometimes ya gotta do what ya gotta do! I've requested Shaymin eating Giratina before if you wanna see a big ole size difference... *laughs*

Okay, Shaymin eating Giratina is pushing it. unless Minimize is being used or Bulk Up or Growth or something.. No. Thats... no. *chuckles* Ah couldn't wrap mah head around somethin' like that. At that point, Giratina would simply have to flex or something with one of those many sharp edges it has and slice it's way out of a disguctingly ballonyfied Shaymin. Unless Shaymin has a pocket dimension for a stomach, ah couldn't see it happenin'..